I look at my sleeping boy, and I know it has to be this way. But please let me see that little boy.” She pauses, and in that moment of self-hatred I wish I’d have been in that fire until the end. “What?” I bark when I finally relent enough to answer. I ignore her for the hundredth time this week, but she calls back, then calls back again after it. I jump a mile as the handset starts vibrating, my heart thumping like crazy at the irrational thought that it could be her. My phone is on the coffee table, calling me, begging me to reach out to my black swan, but I don’t. Cameron is asleep on the sofa at my side, his cartoons still blaring on screen as I stare numbly at the wall. My demons are screaming at their bars and I don’t even have the freedom of running up the hills to keep their cries at bay.īy the time Friday evening finds me I’m as exhausted I’ve ever known. It’s water torture, one cold drip at a time, stripping my soul from my bones. It’s a slow death, slipping deeper into the icy depths of monotony. Mariana is still dead.Īnd I’m still drowning. Cameron is still the same mute boy who wets the bed at night. The business is still chugging long, just as it was before. I try everything I can think of to get him to speak to me. I work my ass off, just like every other week, and dedicate the rest of my time to Cameron. They all say the same bullshit thing.Ī complex situation in a sea of the same old fucking bullshit. His doctor, his child psychologist, the bereavement counselling service. I talk to everyone who’ll hear me before the day is done. With all due respect, maybe you should be talking to his counsellor.” He laughs a little, until he sees how serious I am. There’s nothing physically wrong, it’s the emotional condition we are working to understand.”

I could tear his head from his body when he sighs. “Plausible? You’re telling me that’s fucking plausible?” I take the speech therapist outside the therapy room on Friday morning and fight the urge to slam the prick into the wall. I feel a dick for being in work at all.īut the world keeps on spinning, and I keep on spinning with it. I feel a dick for taking Cam into work every day and trying to amuse him with a laptop full of cartoons. Important Reasons for Having Mirrors in ElevatorsĪ batshit crazy, based on nothing concrete whatsoever decision.įor once at least this week, sleep comes easy.PhoenixLife without Serena is bullshit tough.Ĭameron is restless, back to wetting the bed at night, and I feel a dick for ever sending her away.

Bait by jade west read online